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RyanGA

Rectal bleeding epidemic inside Bolingbroke Prison has experts baffled

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Rectal bleeding epidemic inside Bolingbroke Prison has experts baffled

 

to9nyod.jpg(8/4/2017) Medical experts from across the state as well as the CDC gathered this morning for an urgent press conference from Bolingbroke State Prison. They explained an epidemic was sweeping through the facility of unknown origin which was afflicting inmates and even a small portion of the guards with a severe case of rectal bleeding. The still unknown virus or disease causes several symptoms including the above mentioned rectal bleeding as well as bruised or redness to the buttocks, uncontrollable sobbing, often times subjects show signs of depression and nervousness, many have soreness to the jaw and other facial muscles, constipation, and irrational fear of other inmates. "The last symptom listed is sometimes the opposite," explains Doctor Tarak Patel of the CDC. "We have seen some cases where they latch on to a particular inmate and never leave their sight. We attribute this to delusions of childhood as they often refer to this other inmate as 'Daddy'."

Despite all their research and lab work over the last month, they still cannot find the cause or how this virus or disease is transmitted. There are a few theories though from the CDC. The first case, or zero patient, appears to have begun showing the symptoms the evening of June 11th. They began looking over the menus for that day and testing those foods the inmate may have eaten. They also have sent off water and air samples from his cell to Atlanta and A964Qj0.jpgare awaiting test results. Doctors even took pictures of and placed zero patient's pillow in a sealed bag when they saw it covered in apparent bite marks. They looked over the new inmate roster and found only one was processed in on June 11th. Tyrone Guest, who goes by the puzzling nickname of "Mile Long Shlong" and even has that tattooed in cursive across his lower stomach, was sentenced for kidnapping, murder, sodomy to a corpse, and failure to report a dead body. He was arriving that day to begin his 23 year sentence and was assigned to the same cell as 'zero patient' which has scientists researching if Tyrone might be a host of the virus but no links have been made to whether it could be air born, through contact or touch, or exchange of bodily fluids.

Weazel News did contact Tyrone Guest via phone call to the prison for an interview but after we asked about the prison's rectal bleeding epidemic he screamed, "Y'all motherfuckers is stupid" and hung up. Doctor Patel says rage and anger might be a side effect of being the host, if he is indeed the host of the epidemic, but it's just too early to tell.

1fbbL0a.jpgA quarantine as been put into effect with medical staff moving Tyrone Guest as well as all the afflicted to the same wing, including the three guards who also have the same symptoms. That totals 63 patients since June 11th and none appear to be improving except for when certain test patients have been removed for the quarantined wing and put into a special ventilated lab sealed from the environment. They improve within a few weeks but the symptoms of irrational fear and depression immediately return when they are told to return to the quarantined wing and the full list of effects show themselves a short time later.

Until answers to all the medical questions can be found, the CDC has ordered all those in quarantine will not be leaving the prison any time soon regardless if their prison sentence is ending or not. "This research could take a very long time," said Dr. Patel. "We will be here until we find the answers, which could takes years to accomplish or when funding runs out."

 

Stay tuned to Weazel News as we continue to cover this breaking story. If you have or have had rectal bleeding and spent time at Bolingbroke State Prison we want to hear your story!

- Blake Parker

555-26070 / @RyanGA

 

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5 hours ago, NooWhammy said:

Yea I got a friend who very recently served over 500 months and came out walking very funny lol

Did he ever mention the name Tyrone to you? lol

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I would like to find the comedic value behind this post, being that i am a Correctional Officer the growing concern for this is all too real . seeing the side affects first hand and traumatizing outburst i have to deal with on a day to day basis makes it difficult to find it humorous . well done post though 

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4 minutes ago, Stew_Bear said:

I would like to find the comedic value behind this post, being that i am a Correctional Officer the growing concern for this is all too real . seeing the side affects first hand and traumatizing outburst i have to deal with on a day to day basis makes it difficult to find it humorous . well done post though 

Its funny cause they think its a virus/bacteria.

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4 minutes ago, Baddus said:

Its funny cause they think its a virus/bacteria.

To dive even deeper, do they actually? Or are they simply milking the federal research money and when it does finally run out, they pack their bags said say on the way out, "Oh yeah, that one guy with the massive dick with a rape fetish is the cause."

Anyway, this article was my attempt at classic 'GTAV logic' writing.

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2 hours ago, RyanGA said:

To dive even deeper, do they actually? Or are they simply milking the federal research money and when it does finally run out, they pack their bags said say on the way out, "Oh yeah, that one guy with the massive dick with a rape fetish is the cause."

Anyway, this article was my attempt at classic 'GTAV logic' writing.

And it worked perfectly

 

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